Aug 23, 2009


That was the title of the first Stephen King novel I read. My friend Alix gave it to me sometime in 1994 before I went to Hungary to study. I made the stupid mistake to lend my book to a friend, and so I never again recovered the book. However, this book has little to do with today's topic, which is more about something I've mentioned before (like a lot of the entries I do): people's obsession with getting thin.

Yesterday I went to the Paseo Las Flores to buy my boyfriend's birthday present. Since I ran into a friend of mine, Víctor, on the net, and we haven't seen each other on a long while (since I stopped watching Supernatural at his place because I already saw the entire season and I already had all the episodes), we decided to meet there and spend some time together. In spite of being gay, Victor does look quite straight from time to time, and yesterday, clad in a blue T-shirt and cargo shorts he looked quite lovely and quite heterosexual. (That is until he lets his inner gal out to play, mind you.) We went around, here and there... he wanted to window shop but I wasn't really in the mood. Anyway we walked around, stared at every food place in the food court until we decided to leave the food court and go for Ichiban.

As usual, Ichiban means "sushi". I had the most amazing Age Roll, which was a delicious sushi concoction wrapped in tempura... and it was hot. Either way, I got full with it. Amazing, I tell you. Set on eel sause, nice and thick, filled with all teh good things in life. Awesome. After studying the menu for the longest time ever, Víctor, again, leaned on me to choose his sushi. In his case I went for the Philadelphia Roll. It was good, known and fun, though not half as delicious as the Age Roll. That one was to die for. We wrapped up the whole thing with a shared Koroke, which are potato hash browns with salmon, and quite spicy.

Through all our staying Víctor mentioned a hundred times how fat he was. I didn't understand what was he talking about. He looked wonderful. Yet he went on and on about what ha pig he has become, and how he was going to try these "magic pills" that took away his desire to eat ($30 for a month and a half of miracle maker), but he wanted also to try this new body cream by Nivea (My SorkizárásSilouette). He has gone to the gym but left it, then took some pills and left them, did a diet and left it... so why does he keep trying? I honestly believe he looks good. I mean, if I were a gay guy or if where straight and I were single I would probably date him (well, if he were straight and I were single I would still be running away from relationships, like I've done before Kari, but sure we would have "a thing" going on steadily).

After we finished our rolls, he said he wanted to eat more. I couldn't even THINK about food at that point. Sure, I'm not a reliable "food measure paramether" for I eat very little, but still, when I asked him if he was really hungry, he said he wasn't, but he was such a pig that he wanted to eat more. Now, why would he say something like that? Such words sound to me like he wants to punish himself, and that's why he tries to get slimmer, though no level of thinness will ever be enough for him.

The same thing I see with Cynthia and Rosario at the office. Though Rose is more demure about it, Cynthia does put up a show out of trying to get thin, though she is already thin. If anything, I'd say she needs to put up a little bit of weight to round up her form, which has become something of a stick with melt down skin. Both of them talk ill of themselves when they indulge into something "fattening", and then go eating so early (probably too starved to hang on for a few more hours) and what they eat is salad. I'd say there's nothing wrong with dieting or doing excersize and stuff if you enjoy it, but when you hear Cynthia say over and over that there's nothing better than "eating", you start thinking that there's something off in the picture.

Why does she do something that makes her feel bad? Why does she denies herself of pleasure? It's not like she enjoys or craves something illegal. So why? Talking to the three of them you see a patron in their behavior. They crave a partner, a "boyfriend" or the aproval of their current boyfriend or husband, and this is what they need to get an image of themselves, a positive, aproved image of themselves.

But is punishment the way through which they become appealing or acceptable?

The three of them live in a horrible place, a horrible life.

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