It's funny that I've picked this topic to post today, when my friend Dragonfly has decided to post about whiny people and how much better life is when you don't whine so much. She wrote about the chronic whiners and how much we (not so chronic whiners) whine about them, but also about how to turn around our attitude, and stop that impulse to whine and rather do something about it. On this line I started thinking about whiners, and all the reasons for which we whine, and above all, the way we whine.
Whining per se isn't a bad thing. It happens that you get in trouble, you worry and it happens that TALKING about it, expressing it, letting it out, eases your pain a little. Whining is okay, when you take also the next step and work your issues, look for ways out of the problem, seek help, once you feel lighter thanks to the unloading whining allows you. The problem comes when someone expects to get the solutions from whining, and whining isn't a solution. Whining is meant to ease you up enough to be able to act do something about what ails you. Even the type of "whining" people do about the politics of their countries of the world, is meant to go beyond the whining and propose solutions, find ways to make things better. Whining alone is barren.
Sadly, then, a lot of people like a secondary effect of whining, which is the attraction of attention. In this sense, some whiners use the whining to get attention and thus get the illusion they are being loved. By now it's neatly futile to explain that attention isn't love, that a "like" isn't love, and a "follow" isn't love either.
In the whining there's also the matter of the way you choose to whine. Evidently, most chronical whiners, like to whine to other people, instead of reserving their discontent to more private, intimate or even anonymous forums. Whine publicly online - perhaps even expect others to write and commiserate - or whine up and down to everybody they cross paths with. On top of that, often whiners believe they are the only ones in the world with issues, and in the light of this misconception, they force their problems on others, expecting attention and even the solution of their matters from others.
Everybody has problems, everybody has something to whine about, and yes, it happens that sometimes you have something to vent about, that you can't really fix - like when you have to deal with really moronic people on daily basis - and so you went. Sure, you can't change your clients, if you work in the Customer Service segment, and you can't change your family, if you have to deal with someone you can't really avoid, and who won't attend to reason when you ask them to stop bullying you or mocking you, or drowning you in their annoying matters. For these cases, yes, venting now and then it's perfectly okay, and if you find a kindred spirit who also needs to vent, team up! Vent! Hyne knows I've plenty to vent about, and I have friends who also have a lot to vent about and there's no bigger pleasure in the world than to listen to their issues and have their receptive ears to empty my own issues. And that's fine, it's part of the process, it's what keep you from going insane in a situation you can't control, or that could bring more damage in terminating, than in enduring. But that's different from whining to people who are just not interested in your issues, who don't want to be your kindred spirit.
Everybody has problems, and most people vent and seek ways to get over them, to fix them, to make their lives better. So the next time you vent or someone vents to you, think: "What's next? How can I move on from here?" :-) Seek solutions, look into yourself, perhaps you'll find out you are much stronger and maybe even much cunning and smarter than you originally thought yourself. :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment