May 27, 2009

Self-Help and Easy-Read Makes Assholes

I won't argue the fact that there are loads and loads of crappy books out there. There are LOADS of shitty novels and crappy essays, but the absolute worse books ever printed, ever conceived are the "self-help" and the "management for managers" books. They are even far worse than this novel I had the disgrace of buying and reading: "Province of Hope", which only good feature is the dude on the cover. That's bad. So anyway, there's this Mr.B, who thinks that it's actually a very normal thing at work to stop all activities, because there's this super-duper important thing to be done: put a "title" above a listing (even though for the one who reads it's perfectly clear what the fuck is going on), print out ten copies, bond them and put them on his desk. My Hyne... really a very, very important job to be done... wow.

The motherfucker has the habit now of always asking you, before he actually starts to talk about "job", about how you are feeling, what was your weekend like, and such personal stuff. It's not like he's interested, and you can see it, smell it: it's part of some strategy communicated in some Business book, designed for managers to be "successful", or on one of those $2000 three-day seminars where they get thick binders, a pen and sat in an airconditioned "conference room", staring at the carpet, the long draperies and spending the day looking for the coffee breaks and the lunch break.

Yesterday I was still a bit upset about an argument I had with my boyfriend, and so, when he summoned me to his Glorious Presence, I was less than gleaming.

"How you doing today?"
"Fine." I said shortly. Really, I thought it was enough to let him know it was time to drop the bullshit and get down to business. Ha.
"With that face?"

I rolled my eyes for myself. Talk about empathy, right.

"Trunks was killed by Cell."

That's my standard get-out-of-my-hair answer.

"Hahahaha! What does it has to do with anything?"

Being presented with the limitless stupidity of this motherfucker, I leaned forward so his tiny brain understands that I AM TALKING TO HIM.

"It's my answer to 'I don't wanna talk about it'."
"Why? Something wrong?"

Okay, I'm at loss here: does anyone, and I really mean ANYONE!, please you, stranger reading this entry, friendly crybernaute stranded here, if anyone at all has ANY suggestion to make this asshole understand the "direct speaking", please, PLEASE let me know.

I'm positive he's so accomplished with his behavior, after all he's applying the teachings of whatever book sold for $40, those of hard cover and glossy jackets, big letters and two-page chapters full of pointers for "managers", because today a manager is not a smart person, but only some asshole who pretending not to have time requests everything to be given to him in "bullet format". Short, filled with graphs, few numbers and seasoned with some amusing success of failure story. Management must be the chronical stage of ADD, for what I see.

Finally, I feel compelled to make a Public Service and let people know, particularly all the dumbasses that think they can become successful by reading a book, here's the thing: the only "business" in the business books is in the selling of them to all the dumb, gullible idiots who run to buy them. It's a hoax, you get it? A HOAX! Then again, if you are as stupid as to get one of those books and believe it, you deserve to be stiffed.

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