The Bragging Rights of Mankind

Lately I'm getting kind of mixed up with the "numbers" of the dates. My last entry was on the 29th, but that constanty felt like "yesterday" or something around "tomorrow". Well, it was not. It was Wednesday, and Today, thanky the All Mighty and small miracles, is FRIDAY. Shall I express with a usual "happiness dance" just how freaking happy I am that it FINALLY is Friday? Then again, this week I wouldn't mind any other day of the week. I have finally moved to another area, and am out of the process of Mr. B. Thanks Hyne for the small favors.

New office, new functions, new assignments, new boss, new guardrobe, new furniture... Yes, life is good, and it's even better when you are doing what you like to do. Don't you think? ^_^

And talking about what you "like to do" (and this is not another plotbunny for a sassie SNP slash fic, though I do have in mind this awesome idea about a --- never mind), the other day I was watching an episode of Girls of the Playboy Mansion (yes, I watch that, thank you), and there was this "seek for the 55th aniversary Playmate". Well it happened that one of the contestants was the daughter of a Playmate, which Mr. Hefner had as girlfriend for around 3 years. Nothing unusual there, only that it got me thinking about, why a man would publish pictures of his girlfriend all naked and for other men to lust and jerk off to her. I mean, one would think that men are usually jealous and they don't want to share their women with other men. Well, most of them are not wiling to share. I mean, if I were to tell Kari that, hey, I'm flying over to California to pose for Playboy on the nude, I'm pretty sure he would not like the idea, and probably would even make an attempt, however feeble, to keep me from getting naked for the camera. And it's not because he thinks I'm not pretty enough, for I'm too fat for the pictures, or too small chested, or too brunet, or whatever. It's a matter of him not really liking the idea of having other men drooling and lusting over my naked body. (Not like his feelings in this matter would stop me if I were set on doing it, but whether I'm sensible to his opinion or go after my own head, he would still have those feelings...)

So why would Hefner actually have his women spread in glossy paper for his subscribers and ocasional newstand purchasers? Well, first, because he can, and second, because there comes another feature seen both in men and women alike: the bragging instinct. Of course, most men don't parade their women on "gentlemen" magazines, but must of us know how men like to show of their women with the sexiest clothes ever. Either for their own pleasure, or for sharing with the crowd, when a man has a beautiful women at his side, he usually (unless he's somewhat unhinged) like her to dress sexy so that other men can see, desire and die of envy because HE has that sexy piece of ass. Many women, also like to be displayed that way, so I guess there's no hurt in that, but before the feminist society roars up and tears down men for objectify them and display them as prizes or "just bodies", let's get clear with something first: everybody brags.

Sure, us women don't usually dress our men in skimpy clothes and have them walk around half naked for other women to admire their body, but we do objectify men, and we are not more subtle about it. I mean, you sure know the case where the chick shows around the engagement ring she got, or the jewelry, the car, the purse... Our society is not used to display the body of men naked, so we don't dress them in a boxer and a wife beater, but the "worth of men" is actually on other things. Socially, that worth is his capability to "provide". Women sit around and brag about what their men bought them, and what they have. His job, his car, his bank account. Seldom someone brags with the brain of the other, and I don't mean about winning prizes and competitions, but brag about just how good the other is at some intellectual task.

Though objectifying people is wrong, I'd say the need of bragging has a double purpose: first, we want to be assured of our choice, because probably looking for another mate is a very difficult task, and we don't want to be doing it again, and second, we need our entourage to accept our choice. Here's either because we want our entourage to see out mate as one of their own, or for a merely competitive impulse, where we want to be assured that we have "the best choice ever", and therefore, in the eyes of our entourage, that improves our standing. Kind of like a "hunter thing": the better the prey you get, the better and more skilled you are, and truth to be told, none of us want to be a "collector", a "reaper" in this: we all want to be the best hunter.

So, what makes us that "best hunter"? Bragging so much and so good we "talk" ourselves into the "best hunter" position? Certainly, our "prey" makes us a hunter, and the prey's qualities and how our entourage receive them ranks us into the different degrees of huntership. My question now is: what do we brag about?

Looks, money, skills, bed skills, connections, social standing... but what do each of us tend to brag more about? What makes us prouder?

In my case, two things are simply invaluable for bragging: sex performance and education. Sex I rate considering different categories, which is much like an Iron Chef America grading. There goes creativity, delivery, wording, sounds, rhythm, ease or confidence, lenght of each "time", number of times and how many times and how good does he make me cum. (I had years of experience to perfect my metrics, so yeah, I can go that detailed.) But when it comes to education, a lot of factors come in consideration, and they are mainly related to what interests me or what can impress me. Certainly a man who can quote and work into a conversation the physics' treaties worked out by Albert Einstein won't amaze me, or a man who knows just about anything about stars and planets won't sweep me off my feet, but they would rather bore me, but a man who knows his classics, can make references to good books... that can make me surrender. These are the things that impress me from a man, and the things I brag about.

On the other hand, we also tend to brag about things we suddenly find awesome about our mate and which we want others to admire. So, at the end, while we don't get tired of our mates and don't think of them as our "worst half", we handle around this box of "bragging items", some of them standard for us, and some of them that come as "extras" attached to the given person, that may or may not end up included into our permanent standard item, and so we go around publishing them to our entourage. If each of us were owner of a magazine, how many of our "significant others" would have made it to their pages? Covers, centerfolds... you name it. And that's because, in the end, we all brag. It's part of who we are.

Twits

Dude, I love WiFi. Can't possibly explain how good it feels to be able to sti down anywhere, take your tiny Acer AspireOne out of your purse and get on the net. The feeling is amazing!! In the minutes before the seminar, the last part for which I have to stay in order to get my Certification, so I can present it to the office and lenghten my CV with yet another title, another seminar attended: Internal Control for Public Institutions -- Update.

Check mails and wish I could just "e" away during class. But no can do. That's not proper manners. We know about that, so in scrapped up minutes I log in and check mails and so on.

I received a mail from Twitter: someone is following me. The number of my followers have moved from 30 down to 25. I guess that if you don't twit often, they leave. Well, they should. I don't really like strangers following me. I know, it's a disorder. Paranoia. Anyway, I still don't get why people would follow people they don't know. I mean, ain't like I'm twitting about Supernatural or something like that, so why would people want to know (other than my close friends) what the hell am I doing?

The internet creates the strangest patrons for behavior.

France Telecomm Too?

Morning. New pants, dressed like an actual "formal worker", ready to be called into a meeting with managers, CEOs, CEFs and regulatory autorities. Like some would say, I actually "look like people". Not a "suit" still, but given the flexibility us women have on the clothing department, I'm coming really close to it. Office. Pink rubber gloves on and for 25 minutes I clean and scrub my work station with alcohol. Yes, there's people paid to do that. Would you mind telling them to do their job? I actually don't mind that much, specially since doing it myself allows me to keep everything tidy, in its place, make sure it is properly cleaned up, avoid all asthma triggers (which the cleaning lady just luuuuuuvs to use), and fighting back a bit the AH1N1. Then comes the ever present make-up, so we push the line into DWP (Devil Wears Prada), hair clipped into a ponytail with a hairclip, not a band, not a scrunchy. (I think I actually have no scrunchies...)

Finally I get Vonnegut on, check my empty mailbox, which fills up with e-mail too soon to my liking. I love empty mailboxes, which is why I get out of my way to file away everything in the inbox and the sent dossiers. It's almost as if an electronic mob where pressing against the gates of my mailbox waiting to be let in, scatter all around mixing importan mails with loads of garbage. One by one I go checking my main e-mail accounts. Gmail has my crips Wireless Network news rolled up and waiting. My news account (an account I save only to receive newspapers), is already bursting with e-mails, so after a mandatory clean up, I start to check headlines in order. Today, Le Figaro got my attention. Unlike the usual news about some far-in-the-French-country-women-freezing-baby-corpses I seem to be fascinated with lately, I read something that really got to me.

The story is about an employee of France Telecom, a 51 year-old man who killed himself and left a letter blaming the company. The guy didn't kill himself at the company, but at his own home, however made clear to denounce work overload and management by terror. This started to sound a bit too eerie for my liking. The article was short, and didn't really said much about the enterprise, which I believe must be covering up the ordeal and trying its best to make it look like the old dude was the hinged one. Certainly no other complains about the office have aired, but the feeling of such an environment is not strange for many of us. For those who have the blessing-curse of being office employees, know that more often than not, people prefer to keep their problems to themselves, or maybe talk it over with friends and coworkers, but they hardly file a former complain because the chances of actually getting something done from it at slim. Truth is that many people at the office does things the same way I've been doing them for a while now: you simply put up with it and stay in an eternal state of "looking for somewhere better to escape to". Yes, we escape often, from irrational, megalomaniac bosses.

Work overload is the daily bread of many office employees, whose bosses have no idea about the time it takes to get things done, and therefore, the keep asking and asking for things, as if they could be all done with just the pressing of a button. Because, you know, things are actually that simple, and that easy and bosses are too busy going to meetings "coordinating the work", and "you are paid to do that, so you do that". Irrational workloads, irrational deadlines and timetables... well, when there are timetables, and it's not a whole process or office or work plan dedicated to "it's urgent and I need it for ten minutes ago". Planning? Well, "planning" ain't planning as a rational person would understand it, but more like a hectic "make up a whole bunch of things, make it look professional and present it". Yes, stuff like putting a business administrator to prepare a schedule on the time it would take the Network Support Department to install a brand new mobile WiMax network. No idea of the number of people, other projects going on, activities involved in the installation of the network, parts of the network, time required... No, the B.A. knows about schedules, so schedule!

In his letter the man made emphasis in some features that I recognize in here as well, and I'm afraid people from other enterprises will recognize as well. He mentioned permanent urgence, work overload, lack of formation, absolute lack of organization within the company and the managing by terror. I can relate to all of them. Now, of course I won't kill myself or bring a machine gun to the office and level it, but that doesn't mean that this mayhem is any easier to survive. The sad thing, as I read this clipping, is that this might mean that there's no place to escape to. No Mexico to make a run for. However, as an economist, I can make the following bleak prediction: if things do not change, and I mean turn around 180°, then the next economical collapse will be origined by the overwhelming negligence imploding.

(Article refered to: France Télécom: un salarié se suicide, Le Figaro.)

Tolerance & Intolerance: The Beauty and Curse of Diversity

A few days ago I came up with the following message for my MSN account:

Diversity is good: gives you plenty of options to be discriminative and intolerant, and practice your inner bigotry.

Oh, I know, that's so politically incorrect, so insulting for so many people in so many levels that it can't even be harnesed into words. Oh yes, I know. However, it doesn't make it false, and that's something a lot of "politically correct" people chose to ignore. Why? Well, for once, maybe it makes life easier for them, makes them feel they are "right" because they want to be "right", and want to pretend that there's a "higher order" in the world, where justice is mankind's daily bread, and fairness is practiced everywhere and stuff like that. If you ask me, my money is in the "money". Truth is that you can make a lot of money by defending politically correct positions, and also can create an image you can sell, as a politically correct agent, which will put you ahead of those who don't follow that rule. After all, if you are "politically correct" you must manage also other fine rules of the lobbying-cheating-lying-masking up package usually called "diplomatic skills". And what's the bottom line of this? Image to get connections, connections to get positions, positions to get power, and power to get The Money. (Well, Karl Marx already said that money was behind mankind's history (sort of). I'd only add that money keeps motivating past, present and future when it comes to mankind.)

Whatever the motivation, whatever the POV, thing is that all people are basically discriminative. Sure, I won't deny it, there are ways of discrimination that are more damaging than others, but discrimination is all we do. The basic standing of people is to discriminate those they don't know. Our folks teach us so, when they tell us not to speak to strangers and not to accept things from strangers. Of course, the idea is to protect us as children, so that we don't get hurt, but we are never told to stop, and so we carry it over into our lives, adjusting the parameters of our discriminative upbringing to other areas. Fact is that we have to spot the new "bad man with candies" in order to make us feel safe. Is this wrong? I've no idea. Truth is that life keeps placing many "bad people" around from which we have to protect ourselves, and we have to learn to spot them and take precautions against them.

Is bad people of a different etnic group? Is bad people foreing? Is bad people from the country? Is bad people poor? Is bad people homeless? Is bad people from another religion? Is bad people atheist? Is bad people uneducated? Is bad people sexually liberated? is bad people badmouthed? is bad people from another political party? Does bad people like guns? Does bad people hate war?Is bad people gay? Is bad people polygamist? Is bad people straight? Is bad people fundamentalist Christian? Is bad people antisemite? Is bad people racist?

Truth is that it's not so easy to pin point bad people just from a general group. Life doesn't resemble books and movies and video games in this sense: there's not bad-people group and good-people group, and truth is that we are good for some and bad for some. A feminist group would consider me good because I'm a woman, but a womanhater group would consider me evil. Some would consider me evil because I work, I'm unmarried and I'm not a virgin. Other would consider me good because of all of those characteristics. What about you? Which of your features make you both angel and demon?

Then, usually where there's a form of discriminations, a counter-movement forms as well. It is not unheard of black people discriminating white people, gay people discriminating straight people, Jews discriminating non-Jew people, and so on. It even has a name: reverse discrimination. So, in the end, people from a group, which is being discriminated for their whatever characteristic, are using the exact same parameters to discriminate others. Again, a game of discrimination. Yes, it seems that it's the game of mankind.

Thing is that THEN comes this new group, which claims to be against discrimination. It would sound cool, except that they discriminate as well. Don't look at me like that. They, who claim to accept all man kind, whatever their distinctive characteristics, are, as well, discriminative. The tolerants are the biggest intolerants of all. How can the so called "tolerant" people call themselves tolerants? They are just as discriminative as those who discriminate. What kind of tolerance is that where you discriminate other people based on their believes? Because, after all, discrimination IS based on believes.

Racists discriminate people based on their skin colour. Not like people can change their skin colour (though Michael Jackson could), but skin doesn't make them who they are. Sexists discriminate people based on their genitals. Again, there's more to people than what they have between the legs. And so on with the rest of the discriminating groups, but what is that one thing that makes us who we are? Our mind. Our believes, our ideals, our hopes and dreams. The things stored in our souls. That's what "tolerant" people use to discriminate. Because if you don't believe, like them, that everybody is "equal", then you are an "intolerant, discriminative monster" that should be bullied out fo the face of the Earth.

There are a lot of things that we have to change, and a lot of them won't be changed, BUT violence and intolerance, bullying and name calling is NOT the way to do it. Which is the way? Acceptance, tolerance or, if the case is just too invasive (like I won't try and make friends with some sexist asshole that sees me as a piece of ass, or some racist motherfucker who can't get past my halfblood, creole origin) you just do as in a "ranchera" song I heard once: "te agachas y te vas de lado" (you shrink and go sideways). Why to put up a fight? Why to get into trouble with every little stone? Examples do more, measured comments do more.

Pick your battles and simply understand that someone how has discriminative POVs is someone who is looking for the bad man he or she has to protect him or herself from. They are still children.

Breaking Up With The FB

This is a busy-busy weekend for me. Tomorrow I'll have an interview with a boss from our Tehcnical Direction, and I'm preparing for it as if I were back in the University and studying for finals. (Only I don't have my notes and all my books previously highlighted, which always made the difference.) This boss ain't like the "Best Boss in Town", actually he's quite a nightmare, playing favorites, being irrational about things and so on, BUT he has the added value, which means a lot to me, that he works on the Economics side of the company, demands a lot and could really put me back in my career, which on the mid-run would mean a very big benefit for me: an improved, rich CV to present at home. Besides, it will be only a year and a half (God willing).

I had to cancel a date with Shimmy, which I was expecting so much, and had to decline other meetings with friends to do amazing things such as going to lunch at one of our favorite places, going to the movies and also going to the gym, for a spinning class, which I really need. My legs would certainly benefit from a bit of shaping up. So I piled up, like back in the University, with rulebooks, regulations and financial reports and sat down with a bucket of colored highlighers (I'm one of those people that highlight according to a color code), a note pad and a pencil and started delving into the depths of a world I've been casted out for too long to lick my wounds now. So yeah, I've been off the picture in many, many levels, connecting to the Internet only to meet with my boyfriend, or to read my e-mails.

I received a message from a Hungarian friend of mine, Emmy, through the iwiw, a Hungarian profile site, which works much like the Facebook, but much simpler (more awful too, since you can run intomy mother-in-law there @_@). In here I've 20 contacts, which are already too many for me, so I'm thinking on who I gara wipe out and who I gara keep. Compared to my FB account, well, it's not so high, since there I keep a list of 30 people on. 30 people and that I gara start shaving. So, thing is that this got me thinking about the profiles I keep. I can give use to my iwiw because that's the way I have to communicate with some of my friends back at home, but what about my FB?

Thing today with the FB is that they play too much on the apps they offer. FB becomes a playing protal where you either give up your personal info for quizzes, and games. Haiko Pets were a big hit, and then there are these "Sorority Life" sisters you play with. The haiko Pets weren't as evident as the sisters. The message behind this game is awful. you pick a college girl avatar, dress her up, and you have to pick a job (if you have enough money to pay for it), and spend all your time and effort socializing, fighting other sisters, going to the spa and shoping. And it's not about buying the things you might need, but to buy to be popular, buy to be charming. I don't know if there are kids playing this game, but the point is that this, either way, reinforces into people the idea of money being needed in order to be popular. And if you are not popular, and you are not fighing and debasing others, they you get trumped. Your life is all about getting pretty things, because pretty things make you worth more, make you stronger.

So how's that? What about living a simple life, delving into other activities? No, there's no space for that. Because, really, if you area in a sorority, aren't you supposed to be in College, and so shouldn't you be studying? No. Life is not about that.

Thing is that there's the real life where you work and pay bills and so on, and there's a cyberlife, to which people access to escape, but do you want that escape to be shallow? Meaningless? Do you want it to be poisonous? Or do you want it to enrich your life?

I chose to enrich. Thing is that I decided Sorority Life doesn't worth it for me anymore, so I won't play it anymore. I won't kill the girl, for I believe Dragonfly needs her in her house, but a game that goes into you putting your own real life credit card money for winning, hurling over friends so that the database of these people gets bigger and they get to sell more data for advertizings, ain't my kind of game. I won't add strangers to get people into my house, and I won't give my data around.

So sorry, game's over.

Real Life: Here

I actually had another post prepared (oh my Hyne! I'm preparing posts now! Where will the world go after this?), but this particular topic grabbed me tight and ain't letting me go. The topic of the day is: "real life: why should we put up with it?"

Yesterday I went to the company's shrink for my weekly appointment (weekly so far. Now we are on a two-week spacing), and I must say I was quite disappointed. I won't delve into the intricate details of how the shrink danced back from everything she said and egged me to do last week, which I consider highly unprofessional, but rather concentrate on the "message of the week". The words of wisdom came from two opposite sources, which, I believe, according to the Shrink 101 textbooks must say they "compensate" and "help the patient to receive the advise better". Please lady, try not to insult my intelligence. On one side I presented her with a real problem, for which I wanted a solution maybe different and perhaps more effective than my current solution. The problem was that I'm getting really pissed with Mr.B's tendency to follow a "speech protocol". Whenever he speaks to me he follows the next script:

1. Greeting: Hello.
2. Show personal interest: How have you been? How was [time since last saw the employee]? (and in case of any particular activity, seminar, course, meeting, ask about that too.)
3. Ask or demand whatever you called in the first place for.

It pisses me off because it reeks its fake. Not like I would be happy with him actually showing interest for my life, because we are not friends, and there's a very, very, very slim, almost anorexic-meets-bulimic-meets-suicidal chance of us EVER becoming friends, but I would really want him to drop the charade. The solution I currently use is to answer everything with just one word, monosyllabic if possible.

"Hello"
"Hi"
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"How was your day after work?"
"Good."
"How was the seminar you attended."
"OK."
"I need you to...."

My solution isn't ideal, since I can't stop him from doing it, but it allows me to "get through the crap" faster. I thought maybe she could help me here, but all she said was:

"Would you get anywhere by talking to him?"
"No," I answered. Evidently if I can't get him to take charge of more vital and important stuff, or to request him to stop speaking to me with so much outrageously disgusting sexual inuendo (aprticularly gay sex inuendo), how could I make him stop feigning interest?

She said nothing, only looked into my eyes meaningfully. Well, that was helpful. I've got myself to that same conclusion, but I was actually expecting an EXPERT to point me in some other direction I may be missing. From here started the two-penny speech of "reality is that most of the people are lazy and/or dumb and you have to deal with it. I can't expect to change them, or force them to adapt to you". In a Chopraesque way she started recalling all those cases in which from a team only the 20-40% work and the rest simply do nothing and reap the benefits. Now, of course I realize that's reality, but it doesn't mean it's okay, or that I must accept it as "the way it is and the way it's okay". Just because that's "reality" it doesn't mean we should let it continue that way and do nothing about it.

So we were locked in this position, she pushing for the lazy to keep parasiting over the hard working, and me pushing the envelop to empower the hard working to shake of the leech shamelessly stealing his reward. Then she came up with a "reason" that really touched a sensitive spot.

"You are very smart, more than average, and you possess yourself a priviledged analytical abitity. That's paired with your pride to do a good job and your drive to do things, your incredible proactivity. You are to like the others, you are part of a suffering minority and you must learn to leave with the average, because the average is bigger and they have all the important contacts."

I was flabbergasted. So, suddenly I'm some sort of genius, which I am not, and just because I'm so fucking smart and so fucking analytical and so fucking hard working (which, really, I'm so not!), I have to put up with assholes expecting me to do their jobs and leaning back, waiting for me to finish things? I have to ACCEPT assholes leaning back and expect me to earn THEIR paychecks? Well, if I do that, I would certainly not be smart at all, now would I?

First of all, lets clear our a few things: I'm smart, I won't deny that, but I'm not smarter. I'm just as smart as the next person. There are a lot of people much smarter than me, an many much less smart than me. I'm not a "gifted analyst", or "priviledged analyst", I just happen to like analize people's behavior. Other people like to draw, sketch, read minds, build, have exceptional sense of perspective, love to analyze and forecast the market. That's what regular people do. It makes us unique, yes, but doesn't make us "priviledged". I've no "incredible proactivity", because if she failed to notice, I'm a reactive type. Balanced A-B leaning towards the B-type personality, a.k.a., I enjoy the ride rather than rushing to the goal. As for the "hardworking" part, bug off. Really, I keep four blogs, do ten thousand things at the same time, write a journal, sometimes indulge in an ocasional Supernatural episode, how's that making me "hardworking"? I'm not a busy little bee, but I do like doing my job, when I have a job to do, and I'm serious about it and I expect people to be serious about it.

So, once stated that I'm just another regular fellow, another Jane Doe in a sea of Jane Does, why can't I expect others to apply themselves and work as hard as I do? If I can take my job seriously, why can't I expect others to do the same? Aren't we all being paid the same? What makes lazy sons of bitches so special that they can procrastinate and watch porn all day at the office while I do their jobs? Because news flash: they were hired for that job because they can do it, so they should.

I agree, you can't expect people to be equally smart. Some people are, some people don't, and that's a matter of capability, but laziness and shamelessness is not a matter of personal capabilities, but a matter of personality flaws, and those should not be accepted, but corrected. Or what? Companies must overlook the loses caused by those who come only to engross the expense bills and collect the paycheck?

I am not accepting this, no matter how "reality" this is.

HUGE EFFORT

I know I'm not easy, and Hyne knows just what a royal pain in the ass I can be about certain things. One of them is books. Sure, I always tell people that if you'd like to make me happy, and I mean, REALLY make me happy, get me a book. Thing is that it seems the world is being poluted with all kinds of crappy books lately. Hyne knows I've read a few "I gonna cry and commit suicide because it's so craptacularly B-A-to tha-Dizzle" books, and they were my fault (the crimes you commit and witness for a bit of gay literature) but then there are books that you should KNOW they are not good. Harry Potter, for instance, it's the case of a book that starts nicely, continues a little strained and then goes practically copy-pasting stuff from Fanfiction.net. Dude, really. Too bad the theft wasn't on the good fics. Then again, a series of book written for fickers.

Then there's the Twilight books, which are "Mary Sue got into Harlequined-Interview with a Vampire" and goes baaad, baaaaaad, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. I never got around to read the books since I run out SCREAMING from the theatre... and there's a roomfull of people in Budapest who can testify. (Went exclusively to see Robert Pattinson, but after that movie I don't wish to ever see him again.) It's amazing how editorial houses and writers are capable of printing and selling low class crap and label it as "teen literature" or "children literature". Why? Kids and teens are not entitled to a bit of quality? Are kids and children the cultural wastebasket where you throw everything that's not nearly good enough for the average customer? Well, that could explain why each generation is more stupid than the one before it.

Then again, there are stupidizing books for the masses as well. I was--- well, for some reason a friend of mine thought I would be delighted in receiving a book written by Deepak Chopra. I wish I were in Hungary, so at least I could use that book in winter to feed the fireplace. I've got something titled "Golf for enlightment". I decided to read it just to please my friend, but it's so hard to read!!! Each sentence is an insult to human intelligence. It's written also for the people that's not used to read. Short sentences and filled with commonplaces. "Life is a miracle and every minute has a miracle. Yes, the miracle of life! Have you experienced unexplainable coincidences? Well, they are no coincidences, they are miracles!" The book manipulates and drives around the gullible reader, eager for a change in its miserable, pitiful life. But for someone with at least a few functional neurones, able to make a connection between A and B its an outrageous scheme. Can't wait to get rid of this crappy book.

I know, I know, you don't get rid or give away things that you receive as gifts, but this one is too much crap for me to keep.

---- ^_^ Done. Shimmy Gin just got me a victim, or maybe I should say a "receptor". Some people actually fall for this crap.

I know everybody likes different kinds of books... well, those who read. I'm not a deep and philosophical reader, au contraire, I like novels and books that touch sensitive topics and have something new, something that takes them away from any commonplace, either because they start there and twist it around the axis or because they delve into something one else would have dared (which is why I found homoerotica fascinating for a while). Like I say sometimes to Kari, I want a book that tells me "something I don't know" and something I'd like to know about. Give me something that triggers my curiosity.

When it comes to books, here are some pointers you may consider to reduce the chance of buying garbage:

1. Classics are a good place to start. They are classic for a reason, after all.

2. Nobel Prizes not necessarily are good.

3. Read the covers. If part of the story is on the back cover, there are chances that the book is good. If not, the book probably is crap (unless it's a classic and the story is so well known you don't really need an introduction to it).

4. If the book has comments and reviews on it... it might not be that good. If they have to advertise it that way is because something is not right. If the comments are for unknown sources, the book is 100% bad.

5. Look for the book in an online store where you can read the comments. Go for the worst comments. If the comments are punctual about a feature of the book, and doesn't simply say "this is crap", the book might really be bad. Then again, consider whether the things the bad comments say are important for you or not. Then, if many bad comments mention the same crappy feature, the book is 90% sure to be bad.

6. Before buying a book you are not sure about, try lookng it up on line, read a few pages, loan it from a friend, local library and check it out. It might save you a lot of money and a lot of headaches with literature that should be reserved for liting up fire or wiping asses.

There's a saying that goes "you are what you eat". I believe that "you are what you read".

Modern Mobile Manners (or the lack of them)

As you all should know by now, I work in the telecommunications industry. It's six years already that my wage is paid (at least partly, I believe) by the phone and internet users (the other part would be paid by the taxpayers, as I am a public employee). That pretty much would mean, that the more you use your phone and its applications, added value services, the better for me. Your today's sms is my tomorrow's Swatch watch. The increase in the usage, the growth in the number of customers are all good for the business, but I wonder, is it good for people? To be honest, my answer is on a solid NO.

The mobile phone irrupted into the modern life and didn't brought a handbook of manners with it. Manuals explain people how to turn on the phone, how to send an SMS, make a call, take a picture, but it doesn't include a segment about "How to behave when you are around people" and using the phone. Then again, not like people today would actually read the manual.

Sometime ago, I met with an acquintance of mine to have a coffee. He was dating a friend of mine, of whom I was quite protective, particularly since this guy was older than my friend. This guy and I were meeting to talk over certain things that were going on regarding our shared group of friends, and I was pretty much there to make sure my friend didn't got hurt in the process. In other words, it wasn't just "chat over coffee" or "gossip over coffee", but rather a serious conversation over coffee. This guy put his phone over the table, from which I assumed that maybe he was waiting for a very important call, or he didn't trust his pockets and were afraid of the phone falling out. Then, through the conversation he kept looking at this phone, which was really unpleasant. Really, if he was so busy or so involved in something else, we could have rescheduled.

Then a message came and he, without even excusing himself, grabbed the phone, read the sms, answered it and started sending other sms while waiting for the answer of the first one. Then a call came in and he answered it, laughed, had a great time, greeted old friends, and their kids, gossiped about guys they knew, who were seen where doing what or whom. All the while I started freezing because we sat at the balcony, my coke was gone and my pie over. And this was a man who praised himself about being conscious, refined, glamorous and always attentive to manners and chavalry.

You know, I'd love to say that it's only that guy (and I'm happy that my friend didn't end up with him), but truth is that everyday more and more people take up on these bad manners. Sure, you can be waiting for an important call, but Honey, you are not Obama, you are not waiting EVERY SECOND for an important call. Then, the people you are with, physically, have more priority than whomever is calling you on the phone. You made an appointment, you both had to take from your time, you've mead each other take time from other activities, so please show some respect for that other person or other people and silence your phone (all of them can be silenced) and put it away. Don't take the call, don't take the SMS, but if it is so imperative MAKE IT QUICK! And excuse yourself with the person you are with. If possible, tell the person on the other end that you'll return the call in twenty minutes, one hour, as soon as possible, or whatever works for you.

However, if an SMS or a call is so important to you, make yourself and others a favor, and don't make appointments. There's nothing as upsetting as being with someone that's not with you but with his or her phone. It makes you want to continue the conversation through SMS, or just pack up and tell the eager user:

"You know what? Call me when you have time."

And at the end, if you can't pay attention to the person you are with, why do you are with him or her in the first place? Why do you make an appointment if you are going to delve the entire time on your phone?

Living the Dream, Leaving the Dream

I had been thinking about preparing a post about the so-called "tolerant" people who are intolerants towards "intolerants" such as antisemites, homophobes, racists and so on and the crass contradiction of their actions, but that post and that topic will have to wait a little more. Today's topic was inspired by Dragonfly's entry of the day, and though my entry will be pretty much the anti-post of her post, I don't mean it with ill spirit, but mainly as a complement to her words.

Dragonfly published today a post about fighting for dreams and keep chasing them. The idea is very good and very lovely, to say the least, but it makes me wonder about how wholesome can it be. Indeed, I believe that people must fight and work for what they want, instead of just waiting for other people to get them what they want. Examples for this I can give you plenty. For instance, back in the days when I was engaged to this András dude (back in the last millenium), I remember I couldn't stop being astonished by his sister (Krisztina, if I remember correctly) and her husband. They had lost their jobs and were living in a small cottage, almost a hut or a barn at their parents' place. This was Hungary back in the 90's and, well, things weren't easy, but they were doable at some point. For crying out loud, I've got a job and thought it didn't pay well, it was a good job. So, losing a job wasn't something so terrible, for you could really get a new one. Now comes the tricky question: What do you do when you are looking for a job? Oh, I see hands, yes. Check the adds in papers, call for interviews, leave CV's and fill job applications. You know the drill, now do you? Well, my then sister-in-law and her hubbie locked themselves in their hut and PRAYED all day for a job. I remember, when my former fiancé told me their plan of action, I stood there, flabbergasted. I remember thinking that whether they expected God to come down from Heavens, knock their door and leave them a physician PhD along with a position in a hospital.

Like this, I've known other cases. People that do nothing, but really nothing, don't work, or hardly work and expect their friends an charity in general to take care of them. Some want a big house in a huge property, but don't get a job, don't save, don't seek for opportunities. Dreaming is not enough, and that's what these people don't get into their thick skulls. If you want something, you gara go for it.

Other people go a bit further. They dream, and then they try to get to their dream, but when they fail the first time the leave the whole thing and go "Milli Vanilli": they blame it on the rain, blame it on the stars that didn't shine at night, but whatever they do they don't put the blame on themselves. But if they do, they do it with a victim sense to it. A typical case for this was this former high school mate of mine, Iván, who claimed to want a boyfriend. He went out every night or almost every night to gay bars, came home with, at least one "customer", and the next day all he would do is bitch about the poor dude. Iván preyed always on the younger, however continually went on and on about how immature these kids were and how he wanted a man his age. If the guy left before sunrise, he was an asshole how came only to use him. If he woke up with him, he didn't know his place. If the guy slept with him at once, he was a whore, if he didn't, he was a hypocrite whore. At the end, I think, he went back to an old boyfriend (who's still a child), of whom he spoke terribly ill, and recruited all of his friends to help him get rid of his things.

So, in the end he put a little effort, but didn't really move a finger to get past the difficulties and stick to his goal.

We also know people who left the University, or hop from career to career leaving each after a few courses because they've failed. I've known people who have done an interesting tour going from Economics to Business Administration, to Carthography, to Philosophy, Spanish, Japanese and ended in History or something of the sort before leaving the university all together and enrolling into a call center. I've known people, my ex-fiancé among them, who are totally unable to keep a job. They apply for a job, do it for a month or two, six months max and then they quit. But they don't quit because they've got something better, no, they quit because they ran into trouble and they can't or won't fix things.Yes, these are commonly known as quiters.

For these people I've only one thing to say: know what they want and stick with it!

I'd say that up to this point Dragonfly's advise is a valid advise. Quit moaning, quit quitting and do something for yourself. However there's another kind of people who should really learn when to back off. Those people would probably use the "Quitters never win" motto, or the "fight for what you want, no matter the cost, and never quit" in situations where the smart thing is to back up. One blatantly obvious case of this was Bush and his insane fixation with Iraq. Dude, that was Vietnam all over again! Just say no!

Though the cases of people who should quit and don't are seen in all areas of human life, some of the more notable are regarding family situations, job situations and "love".

In the case of families, there's a whole array of situations that can go into this. The typical case of a family member, usually an older family member, that ties the rest of the family to themselves. The mom, dad or grandparent that's "so sick" he or she tortures the other family members forcing them to give up their lives and dreams to serve them, while constantly telling them how ungrateful and bad they are. Those relative that expect to be supported by the others for whatever reason they have: they are old, they are young, they are sick, they are uneducated, they can't get a job, they are owed that much, they have other obligations... you name it. Sticking with them because you dream about the day you all become a happy, functional family is pointless. Dude, really, wake up and smell the coffee: that ain't going to happen. Talk to them, if you want a change, but if there's no change, the change is only up to you, so get up and either kick their hides out or leave.

In the case of the job, and here I recall the case of my friend Kate, sometimes people is stuck in a place thinking that they have nowhere else to go. Do they? Time after time they fall into the same trick, fight for a promotion that's given 100 times before to people you train, people with less experience, and when you are FINALLY awarded the promotion, that's only an excuse to enslave you more. I know it can be hard, and all those years you've endured the torture weight a lot, mostly for the hope you place on a better position that, really, will never come. I know it can be painful, especially if you think of all you've given to the company, and how little you are taking with yourself, but you really gara know when to quit, when to leave and go for something better before you lose too much.

The final case, and the one of more importance to me is the "love" type. I purposefully placed the word "love" between quotation marks, because my idea of love is opposit to what fuels this insane aberration these people call "love". To start naming people for this particular item would take me too long, so I'll typify the cases. There's the case of the person who loves another who doesn't love him or her back, but the stupid thinks that by "trying hard enough" he or she will win said person's love. There's a level forward, where a gay person loves a straight person but doesn't accept that said person is a. straight and b. really not interested in him or her. Or the reversed case where a straight person loves a gay person, and somehow the imbecile actually believes to have the "power" to "cure" the other one. Really. -_-U Then finally there's the case of the moron who loves someone and can't see that said person is playing with his or her feelings, and actually builds up a castle in the sky where the moron thinks they are living happily ever after.

I guess the problem is that a lot of people don't really know what love is, and then all the myths and tales told around love don't help either. I found it particularly interesting how nobody seems to doubt when they hate, but they get confused when they love.

Unrequested and unanswered love is not something uncommon, it happens often. Both of them can be rather unpleasant feelings, depending greatly on how are they handled by both parties. First of all, I guess people have to know that "love" isn't a two way feeling. Love springs from one person to another, or others, or a plan, animal, object, ideal, thought, feeling, adventure... Love goes many ways, just like hate. You can hate your neighbour, cats, a country, a type of food, bugs, injustice, religion... Well, love goes and does the same thing. Now, though you can, in some cases, teach others to hate this and that, you can't teach people to love that easily, specially you can't make other people love you.

People's hearts are not prizes won in competitions, and are not careers for which you can apply. You can't make someone love you by buying them gifts, or isolate them from all friends and "potential rivals", or by stocking them and telling them how much do you love them, or making all kinds of corny scenes of love and/or jealousy. Someone whose "love" is won in a competition, can be lost to a better competitor any time, and that's not love, that's "attention". Then, when someone has rejected you over and over and over, what makes you think that the next time siad person will say yes? No means no. Didn't you parents taught you so?

As I've friends who had been stuck loving people who don't love them back, and foolishly hoping that one day he or she "will realizes that I'm the best in his/her life and come to me and so we will live happily ever after", I've also have friends what have been victims of unrequested love. I gara say for myself, that I have suffered the pain of unwelcomed suitors as well. The stories are all alike. The suitor believes him or herself to be some sort of Cassanova, and starts trying to spend more and more time with you, comes closer and does all kinds of unpleasant and unwelcome gestures and comments. For the not-interested part it's very uncomfortable to tell someone that "I appreciate your feelings, but I don't share them". It's even harder when the suitor doesn't understand and keeps coming and coming for more. In some cases the receiver of the attention is forced to be blunt and tell the suitor "I don't love you and I'll never will", and yet still, because the suitor believes that he or she should stick to the "dream" and "keep fighting", ignores the rejection and continues with the unrequested, unwelcomed courting.

Unwelcomed courting works in novels, in movies and in slash fanfiction. In the rare real-life cases where it works the courted one gives in as a way to lower the level of psychological agression the suitor is practicing. Not like it works, but the idea is "if I just give in, maybe it will eventually leave me alone". Those are relationships started with the hope of a swift break up.

I put "love" between quotation marks because love is about being happy for the other person, and wishing said person to be happy and flourish. These stalkers, these "suitors" don't care for the happiness of their "loved ones", and don't care for their "loved ones" at all. They don't want love, they seek attention, and they single one person or a given number of people, and push them, press them to give them the attention and the words they want to get. Is that love? No. So, people who believe that if "they work really hard" they can get what they want, should also learn an important lesson: "pick your battles. Know when to quit and when to keep in the fight".

Sometimes something you want is not for you.

Mid-Range Mobile Phones

For those who read Wireless News (a.k.a. none of you... probably) you probably came today across an article about Samsung launching to the market a mid-range phone. First I was confused. What's that "mid-range"? Like these won't work on the upper ends of the radio spectrum or something? That would be nuts, forgive me to say, but then again, I'm only an economist, what would I know about the usage of the spectrum? So I went digging in the matter, thinking that maybe, if it was too technical I'll just book it as "one of those things I'm not supposed to know about, therefore I won't waste my time and my pretty head on it".

So I went to this really tiny article to find out that the "mid-range" means "no high end, high tech" little crime-bait. Ohhh, talking of the "phones that do the basic". It has been a while since I heard about them. Do you remember when the sole function of your phone was to do "calls"? And that was all it did. You kept your activities and appointments in your PDA or filofax or agenda, or in a tiny notepad or maybe in your head. You took pictures with your camera, kept your numbers and contacts in your address book (or your filofax, PDA or agenda), listened to your music on your walkman, diskman or mp3player (or iPod, iTouch or any similiar thing), and used the Internet with your computer, whether it was a laptop, a notebook, netbook or a desktop. Actually, there was a time back then, when you didn't knew who was calling you until your caller identified itself. And there were no ringtones, only one annoying bell ring.

Today your phone does everything (allegedly), which could seem very convenient, only it's not. At least I don't really like it. For instance, I insist in keeping my PDA and my mobile separated. After all, I wouldn't really like to lose my phone or run low on the battery and suddenly be left with no access to my info. Or having to juggle around when I want to give someone a number I have in my telephone, or arrange appointments through the phone when I have to write them down IN my phone. Absolutely inconvenient.

On the other hand is that we do are getting used to have a lot of things crammed into our phones. SMS, MMS, EDGE, Bluetooth (maybe even infrared), a camera for photos and video, a memory card, mp3player (specially since many phone's batteries last longer than those of mp3players), and so on. Personally I'd love to have an mp3recorder that goes up to 2 hours, so I could record a few meetings, but then again, there are convenient mp3players for that. Once an ancient acquintance of mine, who praised herself about being rational and "frugal", said she needed a phone that did the "absolute basic", nothing fancy, just take pictures and video, SMS, MMS, make calls and that's it. (The mp3player was an understatement.) But is that really "basic mobile phone" functions? What do we think of our mobiles? What do we expect them to do?

The proposal from Samsung is model that will go under the name s3100 (probably closer in look to the one to the right, the 3110) aimed for a market that seeks an affordable handset that does the job and offers good quality. The offer does seem strange, almost refreshing in a world ruled now by the choking competition for the newest, coolest succesor of the legendary iPhone. All the possible candidates line up, shamelessly looking more and more like the king they want to overthrow. Palm Pre, Nokia's N97, just to mention two of the many. Because, really, where have we gotten today, that we are downloading 65 thousand different apps into our phones and profiles and Hyne knows what else? It's like we are still kids that need to pile up every corner of the universe with toys to keep us amused, to keep us from getting bored, because we can't really pay attention to the real life (unless it's being broadcasted through a reality show and it has nothing to do with us).

So what does this refreshing S3100 has to offer?

The phone adores a music player, FM radio, Bluetooth 2.1 for wireless connections to accessories such as headsets, USB 2.0 port and a microSDHC slot to boost the internal memory. The screen is of 240 x 320 pixels. The handset also has a built in camera but the resolution is unknown at the moment. The price and release date are not yet revealed.

Wireless News

... And that, my friend, is what's called "mid-range" today. Simplicity is over, convergence is on board for as long as it can get in our way.

Crammed Hours

Each Friday the first thought in my mind when I sit down to write the entry of the day is: "Oh Hyne, it's Friday Again! How awesome! Lets celebrate with a couple of brewskies!". And it's because each Friday feels like a completely different day, like a day I haven't had in such a long, long time. The sad thing is, what makes people desire Friday so much? Sucky jobs, that's what makes Fridays so appealing. Then, is my job sucky? Because if it is, I should resign, shouldn't I? Well, my "job" itself ain't sucky per se, but it sucks big time thanks to the relentless effort of Mr. B to make it a tortuous experience like no other. What sucks is Mr. B, the job itself would be, otherwise, great.

The weekend is coming rather fast our way, and the plans for each of its hours start to pile up like bricks on a fabulous structure. It's amazing, in this sense, how we brick up our week days with activities, packing the hours tight with activities, moving around things in our PDAs, filling each second with appointments, to-dos, deadlines, people to meet, meetings to attend, meetings to coordinate, calls to do and so on. Then come the weekend, which you are awaiting so desperately, only to flip your PDA out again and fill each of your free seconds with more duties. Bills to pay, queues to make, errands to run, people to visit, dates to keep, chores to do. What's the point of the weekend if we are going to do the same thing as in the week days? Shouldn't there be a difference? Why can't we just book those precious two days with "I'll do whatever the hell I feel like doing". Spend all day in bed surviving on beer and chips, or do unexpected things, go wherever you want in the very moment the idea occurs to you. Go to the movies or out to get a coffee without first calling your friends and coordinating with them. Go where you want because you want, and cut out the "democratic" factor out of the question. Don't depend on the plans of others, but go because you want to go. Don't wait for the consensus of the group before going to a movie, maybe sacrificing your first choice because "The Collectivity" decided to go for Terminator instead of Transformers. You go have KFC because you want KFC, and don't subject yourself to a group where the Official Veggie Member and the Undecided-But-Don't-Like-What-Others-Propose run the show, which ends up with everybody usually cramming up some Quizno's or Taco Bell where you are left with no crispy chicken and biscuits with grape jam.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love to hang out with my friends (but then again, not all of you have friends as cool as mine, because, I'm so sorry to tell you, I've the coolest friends in the world. Paris Hilton would kill for one of my friends), but the thing is that we still put up these "schedules" and make all these "plans" and all the "constricting" structure we build up around a moment together. Why can't you go to the movie, and once you're there you call your friends and say:

"Dude? X movie theatre is playing "Fast and Furious: Original Parts, New Edition". Interested?"

Another thing is, when you won't go out, or your friends won't go out because they are short on cash. Dude, the idea is to BE with your friends, so money should be not a factor. Meet at your place, their place, and if both of you life far, far away from each other, well, think of something that you can do without spending any money. Go sit on a park bench, meet at a library, meet at the university, sit at the diner of the University (usually you can just hang out there and consume nothing, as students usually claim the chairs and tables to study or do homework, tests and stuff), go window shopping, meet at a mall (commercial center), chat at food courts and hall benches... I mean, really, posibilites are endless. Share a coffee and a smoke, or a chewing gum... talk over a book... there are so many ways, if you are willing to think outside your wallet.

You don't have to plan it, you don't have to calculate your budget for it, you only have to let yourself go and enjoy it. You can do that, now do you? Just leave the PDA on the craddle, and be free.

Media Whores

Everyday more and more "reality shows" and other "Celebrity Seeks"x kind of programs are crowding the tv these days. Maybe this kind of shows are a trademark of an era, just like the contest progams were people went to answer all kinds of questions or guess letters or something of the sort. So maybe this is a sign of the traditionhal tendency of the mass media to stupidize people around the world and offer them something to keep them aenestesized, turning them into zombies that wouldn't interfere with the ambitious plans of those who really run the world.

The first reality shows were stupid but somewhat entertaining. Do anyone remember them? "The Real World". Soon it was obvious that they picked the people depending on their personality in order to ensure conflict. After all, people can actually live nice and cordial lives with little conflict, but who would watch that? In order to raise attention, there must be a "dysfunctional" element, someone to hate, someone to break the harmony and get people on each other's throats, ganging up against each other. Soon more and more of these "reality shows" started to appear, where "regular people" were the stars, even if they were only for a moment.

Thing is that soon waning celebrities decided that they wanted a piece of the cake. Celebrities "invited" the audience to their lives, and you've got to see them in their PJ's, living in a world that made you realize that they are not like us even if they speak like us and curse like us (or worse). Some of those took off, some of those don't, some costed marriages, some were too invasive. Thing is that other celebrities and celebrity wannabes saw in them the potential to get back to the limelight. It was then when the reality-contest-shows came. "Next American Idol" and all it's spinoffs, that never really made it to produce a real, time resisting celebrity. But let's say that has "some" potential, some sense, sice it's like making the market study, and then create the "need" before launching the product. But what about the shows where with whatever excuse a celebrity or celeb-wannabe tortures a group of people, forcing them through a series of stupid tests, eliminating them week after week?

Donald Trump and Martha Stewart made "The Apprentice", where they put people to test dangling before their eyes a position in their companies. Really. Can't they just pick someone through man power and buy off an executive from another company like any other enterprise? This idea of putting people through a series of games and stupid tests as a job interview is something of a very, very, very long shot. Well, they needed to get back to the scene and project an image. Martha was in jail for tax fraud and Donald won't admit that he filed for bankrupcy three times, four during this recent crisis. Yeah, they needed a show to get people talking about them and buying their stuff.

Then other celebrities came with longer shots. Two dunderheads came with reality shows to get attention, one claiming to look for love, and another for a best friend. Okay, who is going to believe that? At this point it's obviously just a scheme to get attention. And they apply the well known formulas learned from years of reality tv: get an annoying element that will always wreck havoc among the participants and keep things happening all the time. The celebrity doesn't interact much with them, only to establish its status of "prize" and "master of the circus". The group is composed by sycophants screaming constantly "I love you x!!!", desperate celebrity pleasers, phony, immature people that take every available chance to rip each other into pieces.

So what goes on? It's all about people seeking fame. No one is "honest", they just play the game to get their 15 minutes and stretch them for as long as they can. It's all about the attention, all about getting in the media, and through the media become "celebrities", known celebrities. They do anything for the media, and so they whore out.

People in those shows are nothing but whores.

TV

The coke at home lost all it's gas. Hell, how I hate that. So I've been thinking I should keep here also a stash of cans for "just in case" situations. The problem with "secret stashes" is that you tend to attack them quite fast and so they quickly go depleted, unless you keep hundreds and hundreds of safety stashes all over the place. The coke situation is critical, kind of like a smoke situation or a fix situation. The bad thing is that coke cans can't be stashed as easily as a pack of smokes or a fix, so my job with it is harder. Dude, I sound like a junkie here, but then again, when it comes to Coca-Cola, that's what I am. No point in denying it.

Today I did my best to have a calm day, which was easy given the fact that some annoying factors were out of sight. I delved into rutinary activities that helped me lower stress levels, and then stimulate the creative side with a small proyect that could do the difference in a slideshow I'll prepare as a side dish for a tiny little project I compiled in 94 pages after Mr.B fucked up the original, and perfectly good 74 page version. Hell, that still pisses me off, buut then that's what happens when someone without the knowledge or the vision, who never moved a finger to get involved, really involved in the project pretends to present it.

So, while I worked ahead in my new assignment, which has been my regular assignment since I started in this star crossed process, I thought about the presentation and way to make the project airtight.

Then I came home, and turned on the tv. Was greeted the great news that NCIS is coming back to AXN this Friday, where they'll present the season that finished a few weeks ago on CBS, or NET1 or whatever that channel wants to call itself. NBC or whatever. The point is that NCIS will be back, and that's AWESOME! Sure, NCIS is no Supernatural, which, really, is awesome ^_^, but I totally love, loooooooove, looooooooooooove NCIS, from McGee, DiNozzo, Ziva, Abby and Gibbs all the way to Ducky. (It's Ducky, right?). Well, I don't like Jen, which is why I'm actually glad she was offed. She was the "Ruby" of NCIS: the woman doing nothing but eing in the way. Because, let's face it, no matter the sexual tension between Ziva and DiNozzo, Ziva is too much of a butch to ever come between DiNozzo and either Gibbs (a total canon) or McGee (which has it coming!). Abby is so much fun, and such a child, she couldn't threaten a maggot.

Mental is a series that didn't really make it for me. I really had expectations with it, but episode after episode, the series didn't make it. It's like "The Mentalist" meets "Dr. House" on a psychiatric ward and it goes all wrong. To tell you the truth I started to watch the series because the main character strips naked in the first episode. And that was it. I didn't get to see him as much as in the trailer. Well, that's true to the rest of the series as well: they are not what they pretend to be. They are just an excuse to get actors and a crew paid. Period.

All other series I watch, I watch pretty much as "filling" for when I've nothing better to do. Do you do that too?

Fastest Entry Ever

On a time limit of 6 minutes, I do feel like writing down my thoughts here. Well, actually this was something I wanted to write down yesterday, but I was very busy... uhhh... watching tv, washing my hair and waiting for over six hours for an episode of Supernatural I've seen way too many times. Hell, I really am a fan. So, my thoughts are:

* I don't like Lipstick Jungle. It's a poor quality series with an empty "Aaron Spelling"-like formula in the back. "Successful" women in high fashion dresses, perfect hair and make up live troubles and dramas that are way out of the league of any common human being. Oh, and they are not touched by the financial crisis. Awesome, another healthy spoonful of deception for the masses.

* Maybe it's too much Supernatural in my system, or too many horror movies in the TV, and that includes Hallmark channel lately (Hell, the world has come to an end, horror is family friendly entertainment), but I've caught myself thinking about the kind of monster I'd be if I were one. Say I die and become a ghost. I'd be a ghost related to three elements: water, moon and green. Probably then, I'd leave a trace of water, make it water itself, or the sound of it. Maybe the sound of a stream in the far, or an open fawcet would be the sight of me being close. Maybe the sound of rain. Walls and floor getting wet with a layer of flowing water. Naturally, I'd kill my victims by drowning them, or choking them with water. I'd appear only on a certain phase of the moon, but thought I like the full moon, and that gives more strength to the water, and would allow me to create stronger tides to capture my victims, I think I'd prefer the waning moon, so that my deeds would finally be swallowed by the darkness of the new moon. Ad for the green... hhnnn, my ghost would appear like a woman in the water, in a tall wave or in a water mirror, reflected from the met walls, ceilings and floors, and will have long green hair, greenish skin, like covered with moss, and greenish clothes. Eyes remain pitch black.

Haven't thought yet about how could my ghost be defeated or sent to sleep for ever. Maybe next time I'll come up with something equally crazy and clever.

Creative Moon

Sometimes, when you do something, like jewelry or any kind of art or artisanal activity, you see something and it gets you thinking. You want to try it, you want to use it, and your mind swirls around it until you find a way to harness it and make it yours.

A shape I love, just like Dragonfly likes, well, dragonflies, is the Moon. I simply love the Moon so much I believe in a past life I must have been a wolf. In the town I live there's this bead shop were I go to get my supplies for my jewelry, and they had these transparent half moons I just couldn't stop looking at. I didn't bought them for a long time because I had no idea how to use them. They were rather big, and I couldn't imagine any way to arrange them without making them look like I just took them from some cheap chandelier from some five-star hotel. (I've been in one too many conferences and seminars to notice that the "beautiful chandeliers" are all plastic and often dusty. All it's pieces can be bought at any bead store.) However, then one day I noticed these metalic rings. At first I had no use for them, so I didn't even picked them up. Later, however, I put both shapes together, and it seemed like something I'd like.

So far I've never done anything dangling from a necklace, and certainly have never done earrings this massive. However, the more I thought about the shape, the composition, I knew I had to try it out. So today, I went back to this bead shop and bought the supplies. The making wasn't easy, and this first attempt have a few problems about the linking, as the hole on the ring is too small for two loops to fit it, but I'd say the result is pretty. What do you think?

Alcohol Gel

People around me is getting sick, and when I say "sick" I mean "got the rotavirus" sick. Bosses, coworkers, the whole deal. So I'm frantically rubbing my hands with alcohol gel. Dude, I look like one of those crazy neat-freaks. It doesn't help either that our floor's new cleaning lady is a major pain in the ass, who likes to chat all day, stick her nose in other people's business, mock us and leave her cleaning utensils on the hallways, her dirty, smelly rags on ANY available surface, make it a chair, a shelve, a DESK, and is too incompetent to change a roll of toilet paper or even a bag of that gooey pink stuff that passes for "soap" at the toilets. You know that disgusting stuff, do you? That looks like gay ectoplasma? Yes, the same. So yeah, what option do you have? Rub your hands with a dollop of alcohol gel.

Then, I really, really wish the gel didn't had a "sticky phase" when you are rubbing it, because I hate that feeling, like when you get hair gel in your hands and it's drying up and becoming glue. Then again, maybe is the brand I use. I use this Bactex little thingie even though I have another brand too (If, from Moi), mainly because this has a smaller bottle that's so much convenient to carry around.

The first time I used this gel was when I entered the bank. All tellers got a bottle from the bank, and we could always ask for more. This because we handled money. Then I met the product and met the brand, but I don't remember it being so... sticky. Could it be because it uses stuff they use also forn hair gel, like propilenglycol and poliacrylate?

Another Tuesday, Yet not Another Tuesday

9:52 hours. I've an appointment with the company's shrink at 11:30, which means that I'll have to get on my merry way at 10:30. Why? Because I walk, and I insist on doing it or I'll go crazier that it's convenient. Though it's work time and all, I do have to go from one building to another, and walking relaxes me a hell lot, and now I need, CRAVE relaxation.

It's a Tuesday, like many others, with a shining sun, some wind, some clouds in the sky, a report I'm trying to remake without destroying the main idea I built into it, which seems to displease so many people because it involves "team effort" and many prefer the "let's leave it to one person" solution. It's a tough work that has me becoming something of a lawyer, adding notes and conditions like clausules to a contract in order to make sure that it's lazy-proof, dumb-proof, water-proof, legalities-proof, turf-proof, and still can work, and if it doesn't point at the clausules and requirements and say: "I said it required this. Did you provide it? No? Then don't come complaining". Hell, I'm an economist, why doI have to go around doing this? Isn't there people paid to do this stuff?

On the other hand, I had REVELATION. ( I sound so Uriel like... "I'll seek... Revelation") Due to the things that had been happening here, I've decided to seek advise regarding my chances to move to another process within the Direction. To my surprise, the assistant I consulted, didn't even ask me why, but it was more of a look of "Well, it has taken you long to realize you have to flee, Child". We discussed all of the procedures and legalities, which I'll be starting today, and one of them is not really that pleasant, which is that I'll have to talk to my boss to tell him that I've reached to the conclusion that it's better for me to leave the process. That's gonna be messy, even though I've told him already like two times that I'm looking for another place to go.

What surprised me greatly and made me feel very, very good was that for yesterday afternoon a boss from another process had already expressed his willingness to take me into his team, claiming that I'm an "excellent element" and that he would be please to take me on board. I still have my eyes placed on another area, another boss widely known for his human treat and the awesome environment of his team (like the true Work Heaven), but it made me feel so good that there's people out there that know my work, know my worth and are coming forward even before the word is oficially out, even before I've to go knocking on doors and requesting for a "new home". Yes, I hara say it out loud: it made me feel like a hot commodity, and the feeling is AWESOME!