Jun 4, 2012

Frank & Ernest

Today I felt like a character from a comic strip. This was a day of liars and people making a sport out of not telling the truth. In contrast I was quite honest (not sincere, which I normally am, but actually honest!). I was being lied about the most insignificant, basic things, like where does a bus go, where's the stop I need to get to, which other possibilities I have to return to Budapest (I had an appointment at another city, over an hour away from Budapest), in the frame of events (this particular appointment) that has been plagued with lies and misleading information from the begining. Things were being kept from me in a way that such was evident, and that upset me. Things were kept from them too, and information about me was faked.

However I wasn't taking part of the general lying and misleading trend. Much to everybody's surprise around me, I felt suddenly - among all that misleading and desperate need to pretend to be what they are not - that I don't give a dime about pretentions and I can't care less about what people think about me for not pretending to be like them. From then on, I found myself freshly and liberatingly honest. I corrected the information that was wrongly given about me - which was actually supposed to make me shine in a better light. However, I don't need lies to give me a better light, because I believe that my own, real light is good as it is. So no, I did not developped a model that will revolution the world's economy, nor I speak twenty languages fluently, including four dead languages. I have not read all of the Russian Classics, nor can I recall Don Quijote from heart. I was never an actress, nor I have been laureated for any speech. I don't have a post graduate diploma, not am I a Magna Cum Laude.

I'm not a powerful witch who can change the destiny of the world with a spell, not a prized novelist, writer of several best sellers and two Nobel Prizes. I am me, and my path has been forged by me. I have had the help of God and the cooperation of friends, family, acquintances and lots of people who have made it possible, but all of the choices have been mine. My path might be quite humble for many, but it's entirely mine and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm proud of it, and if someone thinks that having had only three real jobs in life, having worked as a teller at a bank, or making a thesis with someone else about artisanal fishermen isn't worthy enough, then they don't know what was invested in these. And they don't have to know, they don't have to think that it's the greatest thing on the world either... but it's my path, my choices, and as such, they should respect them.

Today I learned that honesty is dangerous and undesirable from the social point of view, but for the soul is the liberation and absolute freedom... and it feels like heaven.

No comments: