Yes, I normally write the title first (though I damn know that the title is the LAST thing you write!), and then develop the post from there, changing it only when the content has gone far from the title (which happens more often than you'd think). But not today, nope. And I won't leave the post untitled, as there's only a handful of people who can master that art, and I'm not one of them (the art of posting with no titles, because each post is fluent from the next, and so the connection seems seamless, fluent and perfect, and nearly letter-like in their perfect prose and composition). This could be another "daily thoughts" or "random ideas" or something like that, but I don't feel like titling the post like that. It is a collection of chunks, so here we go with them.
1. Yesterday I was really upset, REALLY upset, because things didn't go the way I expected them to go - though I was waiting for that outcome for a while (there's so much you can ask from some things and some people), and then things piled up a little bit, I felt at loss in the situation, having to deal with my disappointment and the unrequested grieving of others. Dude, I've been born woman, but I'm a man! I don't do the "I'll put my pain aside and commiserate on yours", but I deal with my pain, even if I have to do it alone (wouldn't be the first time), but while I'm at it, I'm not available for soothing the grieves of others, nor I do the "let's put our pains together and cry". That weakens you when you need to gather up, stand up and take the bull by the horns. Anyway, thinking that these upsetting thing would repeat itself, I though I better move blogging for the morning, after I came back from my daily jogging, so I'm happy and chirp and blog better. I didn't do that, and you know what? I'm not even upset (now).
2. However I did got upset... in the morning. I decided to try out a diet to lose some unwanted weight that has climbed onto me since summer began (well, since the heat began, actually). It was supposed to be a real good diet, and I know someone who lost over 15 pounds in a week doing it. Now, 15 pounds in a week is dangerous. However, since I've been keeping the diet really strictly, I expected some change. Half a pound off first, and then weight gain. Quarter pound up. This upset me. I burn 2500 calories in a day, consume 900, and I GAIN a quarter pound? Well, this did it for me. If tomorrow I don't see a lowering in the weight, I'm finishing this diet. I won't be denying myself the stuff I like for a crap that doesn't work. (Not to mention the potential threat of bounceback, that normally comes after dieting...) My measurements are quite in check, though... I guess, if I still feel the need to lose weight (maybe) I'll do it the smart way: I'll go to a doctor, ask them if I should, and if so, how can I lose weight while keeping the coke and the chocolates (and the icecream, and the pastries, and the snacks, and the nachos with cheese from the movies, and the baby ribs dripping of Jack Daniel's sauce...)
3. Once again I was confronted with a fundamental truth: it's okay to quit, you just have to know when, how and why. That doesn't mean it's an easy question to answer. There are still things that are hard to face and hard to confront, particularly, how to tell about this to some people I really love (not the diet! I'm talking of something else!) without bringing out more grief and more sadness than what really needs to be there. I'm already getting sad on the idea of departure, and the things left unfinished here, the dreams that get hacked and stalled again, but hey, decisions have been made and this is for the best... right?