Apr 26, 2009

Long Distance Love

Today I went back to my old rutine. I woke up around 06:30 though I was waking up, in and out since a little before 05:00. I was supposed to meet Kari over the Skype at 08:00, so I took those 90 minutes to start again writing him my weekly letter. I had already started one on Tuesday, but somehow I didn't feel like continuing that one. Letters, just like entries, can have to them a certain "time" quality that ties them to a moment or a feeling, and if you don't capture it in the moment, you must discard the whole letter.

The contents of the letter will remain in the paper, between Kari and I. ^_^ Along with the letter, it occured to me that Kari wanted to have our pictures from this Spring. I hadn't been able to send him the pictures so far because gmail kept freezing on me. It also occured to me that it would be nice to have around pictures you can look at without turning on your computer. Some perhaps could be set in frames and placed here and there around the place.

I love our pictures.

In this technological era a lot of things are getting lost, things that made live so much cozy and so much prettier. Now pictures remain enclosed in the computer and all kinds of electronical devices, held to the supply of electricity. A pile of bits and colors that depend on the quality of the screen you get. Like those digital frames you can load up with pictures to display. No, there are some things that can't be removed, that shall not be removed from the paper. Letters and e-mails difer, and if you ask me, I prefer the letters even if they take longer. Handwritten letters because those have more soul. Electronical pictures and photographs. I prefer the photograph. A picture in a frame, place over a piano, on a shelve, hanging on a wall, on the desk, lined up in the coffee table, there in so many places where your eyes fall casually and wake a smile on your face. Why keep the pictures locked in your computer? Displayed on the desktop, where it remain hidden by all the programs you use. A picture relegated to those few minutes when you start up or shut down your computer. How much time do you spend looking at your desktop? Right. So why display a picture that's important to you there?

I printed out a few of our pictures, those in which we appear and some of my favorites that might hold his interest as well (so, none of the flowers or Hungarian landscapes he looks at everyday), and thought maybe he would like to look at some of them and remember, leave them inside some book he might be reading, leave them somewhere close to his computer, on on his nightstand, or simply fixed somehow to the kitchen window. I printed out two of them for myself, and placed them unframed on my bookshelve next to the one we made in Tamarindo. I guess I'll take at least one of them to the office so I can have a bit of solace there, not to mention brag silently about what a handsome boyfriend I have, and how much do we love each other.

"Love each other". Three words I thought I would never say, not like this.

A lot of people say, long distance love is for cowards, and that love doesn't live that way. Well, those people are unable to really love. Love, true, real love doesn't depend on closeness even if it desires it, to live. Love can't be killed with physical distance, only with emotional one, but those who have not emotional beat or depth, would tend to replace that closeness with physical one. Some people call love what really is just "lust" or some fix-up remedy to fight loneliness, and yes, that one dies with distance. However love, like an ivy, a weed, adapts and strenghtens. Distance, in fact, helps me with my demons, allows me air to breath and think things over, ready myself and not jump into conclusions, even if I tend to do so... even in letters.

Dear, what a blessing is my Kari to me! I love him so much!! ^_^


Dragonfly said...

Dear Zsu... at the same time I am reading your post, I am thinkins about Dave... you know... that we have is not the same as Kari and you, but I really understand you... for love distances no matter, but just for the real one.

And I am agree with you too... written letters are better than 20 mails... I think is just because you put a little more about yourself.

So, I really understand you and I wish you all the best thinks.. I hope you could be together as soon as possible.

Probabily I am going to miss you here in CR, but if youwant to be completely happy, yo have to reach your dreams.


Storm Bunny said...

Dear Libe,
It means so much to me that you say this! ^_^ Not all loves and all relationships are the same, and yes, I know so very well, that you better than anybody else, can understand what's in a long distance relationship, how the feelings can strenghten, how you learn to cherish moments and see the value of every little gesture. These things that might go unnoticed in a relationship where the parties are geographically, physically close.

I believe, for I have seen it, that long distance relationships have far more chances to last and survive the tests other relationships fail. Distance teaches you patience, attention to details, communication and joy for the small things.

Yes, handwritten letters add more than just the words. You know they mean more dedication, more labor, more love than an e-mail. Everything in them is more personal. That makes them more valuable.

I'll miss you too, my friend. But I'll miss you when you finally go live in Mexico too. (And I'll drop by and visit you, so count on it!)