As people living in a society that seeks to keep all elements together, we are normally affected by what others think or say about us. It hurts us if someone thinks ill of us - be it in a justified or unjustified way - and it pleases us when someone thinks good of us. We fear reprimands or humiliation, and we bask in flattery or recognition. These elements can go more shallow or deeper depending on the opinion and kinds of opinions we allow to affect us, un which way and how long. For instance it could be normal to feel bad if an acquintance - a coworker or a neighbour - notices that our clothes don't match, or we have gained or lost weight, but it wouldn't be normal to be depressed about it and consider suicide based on that opinion. It might not be wise either to pay no attention with a coworker let us know that something we do isn't right (we are not keeping the deadlines, we are not delievering our work in the proper format or the proper channels, or maybe our attire isn't adecuated for the dressing code of the office), and perhaps even indicate us what can we do to improve.
After some happenings occured some weeks ago regarding a certain religious convention, and the uproar it created across blogs, social networks and podcasts (which I follow), and inspite of the fact that this thing doesn't affect me directly as it's not related to my religious denomination, it did upset me on General Principle, just by being a human being and by the tremendous bigotry displayed. The several people I read and listened to, were honestly upset - and within their right! - about the actions and spoken opinions of someone of their group they consider of a high status. And though I share the displeasure with them and consider they are right in their anger, I stopped to think about how much shall this bigot person's opinion matter? Shall it matter enough to occupy your thoughts more than a couple of minutes? More than it takes you to say "You can be a high and mighty as you want, but that thing you just did is plain wrong no matter how you want to look at it, or how much you try to justify it"?
It is easy to remember the story of the two monks and the woman at the river (*), and say "let it go, and don't carry around the resentment for things that have happened", but sometimes it's not so easy. We might be able to let go offenses deal to us personally, but it's not so easy when the offense is directed to a community we belong to. An offense towards our family, our nation, our profession, our school, our neighbourhood, our gender, our generation, our sexual orientation, our lifestyle... You might find it easy to forgive someone who says that you are ugly, but you can't find it that easy to forgive someone who says that all women are golddigers or that all men are brainless pigs.
Yes, maybe we should let these go, but it's also true that generalizations should be fought in order to "re-educate" our society and the future generations. No, it's not men's place to support solely their home, women can also cooperatate bringing home the bacon. No, women's dream isn't to become a wife and a mom, but many of us do find fulfillment in being professionals or spiritual people, or whatever else! Motherhood isn't the ultimate expression of a woman and her final stage of maturing. It's not true either that gay people are out there to convert others, nor it's true that Christianity is the only religion in the world that can save you, or that talks to God. Living together without being married isn't a sin, and God can very well give His blessing over a union without the holy intervention of a priest, but living together is a choice and a lifestyle. Long term relationships aren't for cowards and losers, but they are also a form to keep a relationship that demands as much commitment and love as any other type of relationship.
People's status shouldn't weight anything, but their way of thinking as well as the validity itself of their actions and opinions. A cardinal could be really up high in the church hierarchy, and if he doesn't deem pedophilia and dishonest abuses commited by priests against minors, as a major matter the church should be concerned with, well, he might be quite high on the ladder, but he's still wrong. If someone respected by the community boasts publicly discriminates against a given group of people, that person is wrong. (As it has been so eloquently said, in private you can make meetings with very particular groups of people, like only your closest family, or just your guy friends or your girl friends, or a meeting only for the people of your political affiliation who belong to the youth team and have been active in the last 12 months, are over 21 and under 35, have an income of X and work in marketing. PUBLICLY, you can't. If you are going to speak about your bathroom issues publicly, anyone interested should be given the chance to attend.)
So, though we agree that educating our society is everybody's responsability and we shall work on erradicating harming misconceptions, what should we do when a respected member of society goes against it? My advise would be, not to shut up, but neither to give it much of our time. State clearly that you are disagree with what has been said or done and why, maybe also suggest what should have been done. However, after this person or group has acted or spoken in this way, the action should not be forgotten, but they should be watched, and if there are no signs of correction, or if the behavior repeats, consider the level of respect, the position, the hierarchy assigned to this person and remove it. Evidently someone who works against the given community, and promotes its's segregation and disintegration, should be separated, unless you are fine with the destruction fo your whole society or community.
Sadly, there's people everywhere, who seek only to create drama. Drama by inventing rivalries or creating situations such that promote the supression of some parts of the community in favor of the dominance of others, without this conducing to a greater good (I mean, if someone is seeking to reduce the benefits of the rich to bring more benefits for the most needed and the middle class, they have my whole support!), then such people should be stopped, and their actions and opinions considered as product of a separatist or destructive mind.
Respect isn't an inherent thing, isn't a matter that you are born with, but a priviledge for which you must work every day. You earn it and you can lose it. So, don't be afraid of retiring it from someone, even if that someone is way up high in the hierarchic ladder of your community.
(*) It's a story about two monks - Buddhists, I believe - who are walking to some place and they walk to a river they need to cross. At the same spot there's a woman who needs help to cross. The monks should help everyone in need, but can't touch women. One of them decides to help the woman, takes her in his arms and crosses the river with her. Puts her down and continues his journey. The other one is astonished and horrified at his actions, and after a while walking, he turns to his companion and says
"How could you touch that woman and go against our teachings?"
To this the other monk replies
"I left that woman at the shore of the river, but you've been carrying her around all this time".
The lesson is that we should let go instead of mulling over things that have already happened and gone.
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