Dec 28, 2012

When Your Opinion Matters Too Much To Others

More and more things are getting settled for our trip to Cuba. My boyfriend is already making his own research about our destination, reading blogs and travelogs to know more and be better prepared to make the most out of it. Isn't that exciting? ^_^ All we have left now is packing and then the things that can only be taken care of at the Airport and then at Cuba. I can't wait to taste a real Mojito! ^_^

I've also finished replying to another letter for a friend, so it seems very much like I'll be able to pull my End-of-the-Year purpose it time. ^_^ I don't gte tired telling you how wonderful all of my friends are. Today I woke up at 7 am and was replying to this letter for about 10 hours, which anyone into penpalling can understand very well. Some letters can take you maybe 4 hours, others 10, 12 and some take you several days. It just depends on the topics and how much some topics pull out of you. (And it also depends on how word-efficient are you.) My Mom saw me sitting at the dining table writing for hours (my boyfriend was occupying my desk) and asked me why did I bother so much, why didn't I just cut it short and reply only on a few pages, rather than writing what seemed to her as a novel. I told her that I don't mind it, I love it, and my only concern is that after some hours my fingers start hurting and cramp up.

Penpalling is a rather time consuming hobby, even though you often have to wait for long periods of time to get a reply. It's not really something you can program like "penpalling every Saturday from 9 am to 11 am", and this is why selecting your penpals and often being able to say "no" or "let's not be penpals anymore" is so important. One of the biggest nightmares of most penpals is to meet people who demand too much from them or make a fuss about being dropped. Why they do it isn't something we can say for certain, but most agree that it's a case where these people expect to get their self-esteem shots from you. They need to get validation from their peers, and any rejection or ignoring is taken as a personal offense, even if you don't mean it that way.This is the people who would try to pick a fight with your or make you feel bad because you haven't replied to them immediatelly (even if you are writing to them from Norway and they live in... the Southest corner of Argentina). Some would also react badly if they request to be your penpals and you tell them that you are not taking new penpals. For those how have many penpals (20 or more) this is one of the most common issues. In a way it's good to find of these things from the begining, as some people don't really get it that their pals, or people at another part of the world may have a life that doesn't involve replying to their letters and messages.

This type of behavior happens also among people who are not penpals. Needy people is everywhere, people who expect you to give them what they won't give themselves "love". I've met people who live really disasterous lives, full of issues of all shapes and sizes, and often stuff that's rather easy to fix if you only strap a pair and do the right thing, for instance people who suffer because the neighbour of a friend they rarely visit, refuse to acknowledge them and greet them when they see them (this is a real trouble for someone I know!). My advise in this case is "give it a fuck" but for some people that's not a solution. Others load off all their troubles on you, and when you give them your point of view (you are a friend, not a psychologist, so if they tell you something, you might safely assume that it's because they want your p.o.v.), then they react badly if you do not reinforce their precoincived ideas. It made me laugh when someone posted a message that basically said "you are not an expert about my life". Well, whomever you are talking to might not be an expert, but honestly, Honey, neither are you.

Where am I getting with this? Well, for once, when you put your whole life out for others to judge, when you depend on the opinions other have of you, get ready, because you won't get only praises and positive thoughts. If you share your things, you will get things also in return. If you want to unload and receive no feedback, write a journal. Paper doesn't talk back, has no opinions, people do. Finally, the opinion that should matter to you is yours. You can get a second opinion, but that's not a sentence or something that breaks you or makes you, that's only up to you. People have as much power over you as you allow them to have it, so learn to give every comment its proper place. Bad critics are just opinions, just like good critics, so take them for what they are. And also, a rejection isn't a personal offense, it's just a rejection, so don't take it personally. You also reject and you have the right to reject too.

Be happy, find your own happiness and just be free.


Aileen said...

Someone is shamelessly hinting for a postcard from Cuba ;)

Storm Bunny said...

I'll look for postcards in Cuba for someone! :-)